The “modern man” has a lot of work to do.
A lot of men aren’t men anymore. How did it happen? I’m not 100% sure, but it needs to be addressed.
There are 3 qualities especially that I have noticed in many men today.
These qualities are so unmanly that I can imagine that women just find them unbelievably unattractive. Ladies, you’ll have to let me know if I’m right, but it certainly appears this way to me. Here goes…
(1) People Pleaser/Doormat
Men, do you really think women want this?
Your job isn’t to “please” your woman at every turn. It’s to be her strength, her security. When she feels this from you, only then will she feel safe enough to allow herself to open to you.
When this happens, you can then experience the deep connection that you both desire. The connection that can only come about from the attraction of opposites i.e. masculine and feminine.
Now, how can she trust in your strength when you flip-flop all over the place? It’s clear that you don’t even trust your own judgement, so how can she?
In an unwise attempt to “please” her, you end up projecting weakness and instability – very unattractive.
If you disagree with your partner, so be it. If you change your opinion all the time to suit her, she may be temporarily happy, but underneath there’ll be a growing disrespect towards you for not standing firm.
There’s nothing worse than a man that can’t make a decision. If every time she asks what you want to do, you reply, “Well baby, what do you want to do?”, you’re just going about it all wrong. Stop that. Tell the girl what you want.
Again, she craves your strength and security. She needs to feel safe and “at home” with you. [tweetthis]If you become a doormat, you actually rob your girl of what she really wants: Masculine presence[/tweetthis] Be authentic, not a “people pleaser”.
(2) Laziness/Lack of Purpose & Direction
I can imagine being a woman and coming home to see my man lie on the couch all evening watching TV. What a disappointment! How unattractive is that?
Personally, I think men should be ‘about’ something. The opposite of a man with purpose is a ‘drifter’. Would you rather be blown about by the winds of circumstance in life, or confidently chart your own course?
A man should feel like he has a mission, a purpose in life. You do this by setting goals and giving yourself a direction to move in.
You need something to pursue. This ‘something’ should be in tune with who you are as a person. You probably already know what it is.
We all have talents, likes, and interests that have been with us since childhood. Again, it’s about be authentic and true to yourself. Don’t set goals to impress other people. Base your purpose around who you really are.
A good woman will always support her man in what he does. And he will of course support her, too.
If you are the type of guy that procrastinates a lot, remember that…
[tweetthis]In an effort to gain ease & escape taking action, you breed anxiety & make life more difficult[/tweetthis]
You are simply making life more difficult than it has to be.
See my article, ‘The Path of Least Resistance Is The Path of Pain‘.
One of my favourite authors James Allen wrote…
“Of all miserable men, the shirker is the most miserable. Thinking to find ease and happiness in avoiding difficult tasks, which require the expenditure of labour and exertion, his mind is always uneasy and disturbed, he becomes burdened with an inward sense of shame, and forfeits manliness and self-respect.”
Seriously, by trading purpose for ease, you simply make yourself miserable. For more on having purpose, see point 4 in this article.
(3) Uncleanliness/Being Disorganised
Being messy is just not attractive.
- Keep your body clean
- Your car clean
- Your home clean
- Wear nice clothes
- Be organised with your business and affairs
- And please do brush your teeth!
It shows that you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself.
I think it also projects an air of masculinity i.e. a guy who is in control and on top of his game.
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What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Talk with me below.
Do you have any additional qualities you think should be highlighted?
Do you think I’m just flat-out wrong about this?
Are you female and want to share your opinion?
By the way, one of your goals can be to develop a body you really love. After all, you have to carry it around with you all day.
Download the full and free THT workout below. After inputting your email, you will be taken directly to the download page for instant access to the workout. You don’t need to go to your email to confirm anything.
Train With Intensity!
Mark
You know, I see so much of the first point. The guy who aims to please so much that he has lost any sense of who he is. ‘Whipped’ I believe is the term.
I can admit to procrastination sometimes. But overall, I think the article hits the nail on the head and says what needed to be said! Good work in my opinion.
Agreed whole heartedly!
I like to lay on the couch, watch some TV and use the PS4.
If they don’t like it, they can go somewhere else.
I should mention that I DO brush my teeth, usually.
I completely agree with you! Those are things that I find very unattractive, and if I meet a guy who shows these quality’s, I loose interest right away.
I have to agree, men use to known as dominant, commanding, strong, intelligent, and focused; however. These days females are making decisions over men not only at home, but in workforce as well.
Men need to get some balls and start taking back the dominance, my wife will never let slide like that, I am always one making financial decisions as well as business decisions. I lift and train hard with my wife and she tells me off when let her make decisions. Only thought and makes me a stronger and better person.
Nice article….. times are changing for the better among those willing to be brave. Men are embracing the positive side of being a real man, while women are embracing what it means to be a real woman. Positive masculinity + positive femininity = bliss.
All true, when you have lost respect for yourself and your appearance, you can’t expect respect back.
As a former doormat, you’re 100% right. Women want appropriately aggressive men. They don’t want to be dominated but they don’t want a pushover either. They want a man who they can’t own, which is why the “bad boy” always gets plenty of women and the “nice guy” gets little to nothing. I’ve found a man doesn’t have to be a bad guy; just be a man.
Women are fickle (as are men) so they like different things. A lot of men are very lazy, unclean, untidy and unorganised, yet they still manage to hook up with women and get married, so I don’t really buy into all if this ” 3 unattractive qualities of man”, look at that light skin guy that had a mugshot taken for robbery in or something in America and how many women were literally wetting themselves over his mugshot, just because he was good looking, was he tidy? confident? organised? well grommed? no one knows..but did those 100,000s of women care….Hell No!. Some women like convicts, hell some women like drug dealers and thugs, some like nerdy little geeks that dress up in star trek outfits!
Personally, I think human being full stop should be all the things you mentioned regardless of what the opposite sex finds attractive, and even if you are not there will be someone out there for you (if you take enough time out to meet people) that will love you just for you anyway.. just my opinion! You can be all the things you mentioned and women can still find an excuse to say you are not attractive or unapproachable. I have friends who are very good looking, smart, successful, well groomed, independent and dominant and they don’t get approached by any girls and when they do meet girls, the girls usually flake after 2-3 dates, why? After speaking to female friends, girls can be very shy, build scenarios in their heads and say things like “he’s too good looking” “maybe he’s a player” “why does he like me” “he’s just after a fling”. Funny enough my average, lazy and less confident mates do far better with girls than the ones who are the things you mentioned above…go figure!!!
I totally agree however #1 is the main problem. We live in such a liberal country now that if a man acts this way many women consider him to be domineering. Women’s activist groups along with many other groups have made this country and it’s men a shell of what we once were. I agree, stand up and show some balls! It may get you divorced or put in jail though, but it is time to take a stand and be a man.
Oh by the way, has anyone read the bible lately? God CLEARLY states that the man is the HEAD of the household. If women are fighting this they are fighting God. You will have to answer to him someday. Enough said.
Very true. You are what you think. Every thing depends upon your thought process. Being Disciplined and proactive helps people to achieve what he wants in life. Body is a temple and one must respect and maintain it in order to feel positive, confident and energetic. I experience it daily. Physical exercise keeps people mentally fit, stress free, calm and happy.
I agree with these for the most part, and this is nothing new. I have seen these exact same 3 reasons & posts on multiple websites, so there is a good number of men out there who want to be… well.. men.
With that said I concur with Drew in the aspect that there is a good middle ground that needs to be managed. Yes, you shouldn’t be a pushover, but if your also unreasonable and rude to others while around your significant other many women find that unattractive as well. “Appropriately Aggressive” was a perfect way to describe it.
The 2nd point there is where I myself and most men I have known struggle the most. 25 years of age and I still have not found something I am passionate about enough to pursue a good career or go to college for. This can and does lead to laziness and pulls you deeper down the rabbit hole so to speak. Luckily I have training to help pull me back out. (Actually switching from 5×5 to your THT next week)
I would love to hear what others who struggle with the 2nd point do to find that “purpose” or “direction” when you don’t even know what your really looking for.
Thank you.
Very true. You are what you think. It’s the thought process which shapes your life. Being disciplined and proactive makes you achieve what you want in life. our body is the temple and we should keep it clean and fit. Physical exercise helps you stay fit, positive, calm, energetic, stress free, focused, discipline and happy and I experience this daily.
hmm.. all true..
but man, taking off your body hair (even if you have nice muscles) is not something that every wonan apriciate that much
TOTALLY agree with this. From a girls perspective I love a guy who can protect you and be your security. Hygiene has a HUGE part to play in the relationship, and I have been with guys that do nothing but laze around in their free time and are ‘too tired’ to go out and do things. A woman likes to have someone she can do normal everyday things with like going for a walk, going to the cinema or going on a trip with. You are totally right with regards to these unattractive qualities 🙂
Mark.. I think you are absolutely correct and if a woman didn’t think these three things were “attractive” she may need to look in the mirror and ask herself if she is dysfunctional because of past experiences, mental illness, rebelliousness or”fill in the blank”…
I agree, but also self confidence should be added. I lost my self confidence and fell into these three mistakes after the breakup of a long relationship. I am starting to try to pick up the pieces, and it’s been over a year since the breakup. I started to display my unhappiness openly and unselfishly, but now I see how blatantly unattractive I really am. Thanks for sending this email. I will use it to pick myself up.
A real man should respect his woman, put God first in everything he does and have the humility to admit that he himself is fallible and susceptible to error and mistake. But well done for the sick article Mark. You the man! God bless
i totally agree with you mark and you make your points very well. maybe i could add one more? Humour.i believe women like a man who is funny, i dont mean you have to be a stand up comedian but just funny in general. it shows you have confidence in yourself and it lightens everyones mood and people feel happy and confident around you, and it emphasies that you dont take yourself too seriously. you can still set your own goals and be positive and stick to your opinions as you say but carry it off in a manner people can relate to on every level.
Nice article, Mark the pickup artist!
@Edi. Agreed. Times to seem to be changing (thankfully).
@Trampas. I think there’s a collective responsible society needs to take for turning men into pushovers. Men need to accept their own role in this for ever allowing it to happen.
@Nick. Glad to see you make the jump from 5×5 to THT. Regarding your purpose, what is your heart’s desire? What are your talents? We all have something we’d love to do that beings no harm to others. If still no clue, perhaps make a list of the things you really DO NOT want to do, then consider their opposites.
@yuval. Well you’re making an assumption there that men who remove body hair are doing it for women. They probably just like it better themselves and are unconcerned about what women think.
@Katherine. Thanks for sharing.
@Mike. Yes agreed on humor. Not a comedian, as you say, it’s just about being light-hearted.
Thanks to everyone who commented 😀
Really nice article with great points. I agree with you up to a point but wearing nice cologne has nothing to do with being a real man haha.
First of all define what it means to be a “real man.” Where did this definition come from?
Who told you what a real man is? Who decides this? I think that it is time for us as a species to decide who and what we really are. Who decides who you are? How about this, here is an experiment you and everyone else on here could try. Go look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and ask yourself “who and what am I?” Give this a try Mark and get back to me.
-Charles
@Charles. A real man is an authentic man. A man who is being true to himself.
Who is being authentic by being someone else’s doormat?
Who is being authentic by having no direction in life?
Who is being authentic by being disorganized and/or unhygienic?
None of my points should be controversial. A real man is simply authentic and true to himself.
Dang I am a bend over backwards pleaser to all, do way to much multi-tasking to get anything done, and though I am clean I do have a messy car and desk.
Time to change my habits!
Thank you Mark!
Please understand, I didn’t see it as controversial. Your perspective and insight is most valuable. In my statement above when I say who told you, I was not directing that at you
(Mark) It is a statement to all, I see now that the way I worded it it seems directed toward you personally. My thoughts where along these lines. We are told who we are and who we are not from birth by well meaning parents, teachers, family, friends, media, ect. A real man should be this way not that, a real woman should be that way not this. The experiment I mentioned was directed to all, but then I did want to see if you would do it and then tell me what your experience was after you did. I would like to know.
I do apologize for the way my questions appeared to be attacking in nature.
-Charles
@Charles. No problem. You make a fair point.
I agree on all 3 Mark for sure. Doormat will be kept around to pay the bills while she sneaks out with his best mate or some other guy who will take advantage of her (not in a bad way).
Cleanliness, I find more girls to be chaotic in this realm then the guys. Based on having roommates through college. It goes on both sides, she finds his video game habits unattractive, he finds her constant cellphone/facebook use the same.
Purpose, this generally comes when she’s ready to settle down to be a mom, wanting you to provide the best life you can for her n the rugrats.
for me, those qualities are nice to have. But just do it for yourself. Not because of a woman. Do it because you want it and feel good about it.
Totally agree Mark. Everything is on point, and every girl who respect herself enough will appreciate all those qualities. Girls with low self-respect and low self-esteem are attracted to jerks. And also, a real man should be exciting, a little bit misterious, and unpredictable. Boring and clingy nice guys are big turn off to many women because they are no challenge.
I would also add that when woman choose jerk over the “nice guy”, it’s because of the balls, and the excitement. So those are the positive traits of the jerk that woman love. Of course, real man also has those traits, and those self proclaimed nice guys lack those things.
Agree, but stuggling with the clean car will make amends.
I totally agree with you, Mark. There are times I think my husband is too perfect; hard working, supportive, well-respected and has a great reputation in his industry, he always has new dreams and goals and a plan to carry through. He can do anything he puts his mind to. Helps with the kids after he comes home from work and finishes chores here. He stands up for what he believes in.
I put every ounce of my trust in him that he will always be an amazing provider for our family and be the best husband, dad, and MAN he can be and I could ever ask for because he takes the responsibilities and acts the way a man should.
@Ozzy. I very much agree with your points, pal.
@Myra. You’ve got a really good man there 😀
I thought this was a workout/bodybuilding site…….
CAPTAIN AMERICA.
Enough said.