I decided to publish a selection of the craziest/weirdest/funniest emails I get on a monthly basis. They’re just too too hilarious not to share.
So here is the latest batch.
Note: If you happen to see an email you sent here, sorry, but it was either daft, funny, or both. And we all need a bit of comic relief from time to time. Obviously I don’t share names or emails, so it’s all anonymous.
“if i start with your workout ie shoulder,thigh,tri biceps,back,chest then what will be my second cycle daywise and also tell me diet for big wings.”
Anyone wanna help this guy out? Diet for big wings? Anyone?
“Plz….. I want malayalam work out of gym”
???
“hai hack first how to increase my weight…..please ask me. my weight is just 56kg”
Ask you what?
“Hi !!
Team Musclehack.com hope that all will be fine and Awsome….
hey sir i Really need you and your team to help me OUT as here in my country the Sport ( Bodybuilding ) has no support , no one support me m really upset , and want your attention towards me
i will be Really thankful to you and your Team Musclehack.com if you plz plz plz invite me to join your Team , i will be more than happy and Thankful to YOU and YOUR TEAM
i will be working for your Company along with your Team , as long as you want
All of it i wana get out of here , i mean my Country and never come here Again in my life
Hope to hear good from YOU and YOUR Team Soon.”
What do you think? Should I “turn my attention towards him”? Should get this guy plane ticket to Ireland and let him stay with me? I’m mulling it over.
“hightly interested in your program but still a bit scepticle of its contents, therefore, could you e-mail me at least 3 pages of your program so that I can maintain whether or not this is the program that will permite me to obtain 6-Pak ABS? I think that this is a fair request, and I will not pass this info to others; you have my word.“
Yeah that’s a fair request ‘Mr. Stranger’. I trust ya bud. So glad I have your word on this matter.
“i wnt to gain so quick…………………………..gv a pwdr tht i cn use it”
He should really look up that powder ‘Gain-So-Quick 5000’ – it’s just what this guy’s looking for.
“I have downloaded the ebook but it looks like something missing. I see 3 files 6-8, 7-10, 8-12, what happend 1thru 5”
Obviously referring to the different rep ranges. See folks, this is what happens when you download something and don’t actually read it.
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Well I hope you got a giggle out of that.
There’s always new ones landing in my inbox so I’ll probably make this a regular monthly feature.
Your Buddy,
Mark
hee hee. thanks for sharing them with us.
The last one really got me. 😀
Almost half expected to find an email I’d sent you a few weeks back in there, haha…
Quick question Mark, I’m participating one of those ‘tough guy’ style endurance events in Edinburgh this August; naturally not doing cardio is off the cards as it’s 12 miles running. Keeping protein high (1g/lb bodyweight +) should prevent catabolism, right?
Any other tips to not let all my good muscle I’ve gained (following your THT program!) go to waste? I’m afraid there’s no avoiding the cardio as I’m not fit enough at present. 5 mile run last night ruined me.
Cheers Mark.
Mark, you stioll cant beat “children of shiot” you sent out last time! that was the best:) yeah pls make this a monthly feature!
I am not sure what’s funny about taking the piss out of people who are obviously not so well educated as yourself, or fortunate enough to have the advantages that most of us do have. Cheap laughs are just that. Cheap. I think you should use these emails as a reminder as to how lucky you are.
WAAHAAHAHHAHAA. Thanks.
Hey Mark,
It was kinda funny but obviously these guys look at your website and follow you, so I dont know that i would make fun of someone that takes time out of their day to get on your website and read how one out of a million work out plans and stradegy’s worked for you. But thats just my thoughts from another business owner to another.
Colin89, you avoid catabolism by keeping calories high. That being said, you’re not going to go catabolic after a 12 mile run. High protein doesn’t prevent doesn’t prevent catabolism, high calories do.
If you’re doing endurance based running, you should be consuming an ample amount of carbohydrates anyway. Then again, you should be consuming carbohydrates regardless.
Morning folks, i need a bit of advice please. i started the THT program from MuscleHack this week, Tuesday was legs and due to BAD FORM on my part i strained my lower back a bit doing straight leg dead lifts. Tommorow is back day starting with 3 sets of dead lifts. can someone please suggest an alternative so that i can give my lower back a rest until next week. i am new to this and am sure my form will improve and i dont want to nacker myself up at the start just to follow the program.
Antonio Wright, thanks for the heads up! I’m sure carbohydrates are an important part of my current regime, though I would argue against the “you should be consuming carbohydrates regardless”, have a look at marks MANS diet (as well as many other ketogenic diet plans), your body doesn’t require a great deal of carbohydrates, we’ve only trained ourselves to be this way, and many would argue you don’t require much at all.
The reason I mention keeping protein levels high is that your body requires ample protein to build muscle, so by the same ethos surely it requires ample protein to maintain muscle when under stress? I know that one 12 mile run won’t cause any great catabolism, however three 5-10 mile runs per week in training very well could IMO. Hopefully keeping my protein and calories high along with 1-2 weights sessions should counter any catabolism, though I’m not expecting much growth. Hopefully I’ll be pleasantly surpised.
My current calorie consumption is around 3000-3500 per day, consisting mostly of high protein meals with complex carbohydrates (veg, grains & brown carbs) with some simple carbohydrates from fruit in the morning and after a workout to refill my glycogen levels. I try and focus on healthy fats too, like nuts, raw olive oil etc and swerve the bad stuff in candy, McD’s etc.
By all means I’d appreciate any further advice as I’m fairly new to this nutrition stuff.
Cheers.
Dear muscle crackers ,I want program, charge me so if I can see if it work for yo, hey, I’m just saying…LOL!!!!!! Mark, my advice to these people is to stay away from the weights before they hurt themselves.
Dean Barnitt, if you’ve injured your lower back you really don’t want to be doing anything to put it at further risk, as from my own experience it’s a very painful injury and can last quite a long time if you don’t give it sufficient rest.
Maybe in the meantime try some seated cable rows (but be careful with the weight as these still put it under a fair amount of pressure. Trial and error on this one but I’d start with a light weight and see how it feels) and overhand pull-ups.
Hope this helps.
To the guy who wants big wings, drink plenty of red bull!
Mark you cracked me up about mulling over getting the guy a ticket to go to Ireland! 🙂
@Colin89. Aerobic work won’t place that much extra demand for protein, but increase it a little. Keep your calories high and you already seem to be on a GLAD-type diet with your carb sources so you’re good to go. If you’re continuing to make strength gains in the gym, you know all is well. Goo luck, pal.
@Darshan. Children of shit is the best ever!
To the couple of people of think this is in any way mean-spirited, it isn’t. Firstly, you’ve no idea how many genuine emails, comments, and fb messages I do answer for people out of my free time. The people here are either are too lazy to read a free book and want me to do the work for them, or are simply making ridiculous demands like for free stuff (and admittedly I sometimes just don’t know what they’re talking about – I put my hands up to that one).
Obviously 1 thru 5 was sent to that one guy as a free sample so the rest of us will have to make due with 6-12.
Lmao last one had me rolling , great post !
Dean Barnit-re deadlifts–Ii tried deadlifts for the first time in my life a few weeks ago as part of Mark’s regimen. I was amazed at how hard they are while they look so easy. My inner thighs were sore for a week.
My back is in good shape so no problems but I can see someone doing serious damage if they don’t know what they are getting into.
I always do a new exercise with minimal weight just to see what the movement itself involves.
hahahahah… sorry sorry!!! hahahahahahaha ……
Hey Mark you said “Try not to laugh …” but I am helpless 😀
So glad mine wasn’t on there about how many fingers of scotch I can have on the TSPA plan! 😛
Hi Mark,
Thanks for taking the time to reply. You know I didn’t actually realise my current diet was so similar to GLAD, the last time I looked at your GLAD diet (probably a year or so ago, and it wasn’t making much sense at that point) I thought “Hell, that looks like an effort and a half.” I’ve just had another read a year on with a much greater knowledge of nutrition (coupled with increased drive to better myself) and it actually looks fine, I think I’ll make a few tweaks to my current diet and follow it a bit more closely to boost my health and results.
Thanks for your help. You’re little bits of advice are always great, keep up the good work! 🙂
I thought everyone knew that a diet high in angel food cake is the secret to getting big wings. Duh!
“Gain-so-quick”. …*snickering*
Tell him to stop using “Slow-Mass”.
Hello “Mike”
Send me immediately a diet to become a Children of shit and the Malayalam workout routine.
I expect those in my inbox by tomorrow first thing, sir
Hey Mark,
I need to gain 80 lbs by next Friday!!! Please hook me up with some Gain-So-Quick 5000 powder ASAP!
Thanks
Haha, your blog post cracked me up… Thanks for the laughs! 🙂
Dean, I can’t recommend reading Starting Strength enough to overcome back problems from bad form think its about 7 quid on kindle. Ignore the suggested workouts from the book and keep it musclehack style but learn the form of squats, dead lifts, rows from that book and you won’t have problems again take it from someone who ended up at the chiropractors from a bad form dead lift 😉 but now have a painless PB of 150kg for 6 reps and i weigh 77kg. It’s not amazing but on the money of where you should aim to be at least for your deadlift (2x body weight) I’d rest that back for time being though good luck.
Nothing better than a couple of good laughs to start off the day, cheers Mark. Now of to the gym to work on my wings with 1-5 reps so I can gain quick.
OH JUST BRILLIANT I GOT A GOOD BUZZ OUT OF THAT THERE NOW
i love stupid guys like that hahaha LOL
i need big wings 😀 and thicknes on feathers 😀
Is it me or do some of these emails sound uneducated…?.. No they don’t. They are just plain stoopid. Seriously. And from a business perspective there are an extreme amount of people who want to waste your time and have the benefit of what you trade for free and get narky when you won’t expand their wings on consignment. In Russia we have program called Hackmuscle….. It consist of red bull, ephedrine and vodka. We sons of shit don’t workout, we work in!!!
Ah c’mon guys this shit is funny and it should be a regular item. These poor souls will learn if they are serious.
Visas and free shit for everyone…..
I agree with Darshan, I loved the “children of $hit” email as well!!!
hahahaha Loving the last one there. hat happend 1thru 5 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Good stuff mark made my arfternoon 😛
The last one is funny. 😀
Mark, I just found your site today and have been reading for over an hour. THANKS for the great information. I was looking for an email address to contact you but couldn’t find it so I figured I would comment on the latest article. I have one simple question that I’m almost embarrassed to ask. A typical bench set for me is 165 lbs 10 reps – 175 lbs 8 reps – 185 lbs 6-8 reps. Should I not start at the lower weight and go right to a higher weight as long as I can get 8 or more reps? Also, should I stay at that weight for all 3 sets as long as I am between 8 and 12 reps? Thanks!
@Dan. You start with the heaviest weight you can handle in the given rep range. Decrease as necessary. If you can use the same weight for all 3 sets, so be it.