While 99% of the emails I get are legitimate questions or even praise for my work, every now and then one comes through that is just totally bizarre or intended to be offensive (but is too funny to actually be offensive).
So just for laughs, I’ll share a sample of some of the stuff I’ve received over the last year or so.
Maybe you can make more sense of them than I can 😉
Here we go…
“Hi, I want to ask you, how to increase Muscles without going Fitness?”
How to wha??
“Mark, you are a children of shit”.
“Hello, I had $15.00 taken out of my account and I have no idea why. I have not ordered anything from you guys. Please refund that money back to me, thanks.”
I don’t sell anything at $15. Nor would it be possible for me to take $15 from your account without you ordering anything. Why would you even assume it was MuscleHack? Or are you just looking me to give you $15? lol
“I need bigger arms for an upcoming wedding”
Dunno why but something about this makes me lmao!
“Hi I read your free book and had a question. You say go to failure but also say 8-12 reps. Should I go to failure or just stay between 8 and 12 reps.”
Don’t say you’ve read the book when you clearly haven’t. This isn’t rocket science. For each and every set you select a weight that causes you to reach failure between 8 and 12 reps.
“Give me free diet chart”
I’ll start work on it right away, Sir!
“Hey mike I’m 14. If its alright with u could u send me a routine to burn fat and put on some muscle? Thanks.”
I’ll start work on it right away!
“I want decrease my belly fats. Send me diet and exercises to help”
I’ll start work on it right away!
“I’m skinny and want muscles. What can I do?”
Did you even read my website? Did you see all the training advice and the free workout program?
“You really are a bastard!! Tribulus does work! It works for me I can feel it!!”
Yeah never let the studies get in the way of your own beliefs about a supplement. It doesn’t work, pal. Sorry. (Tribulus Terrestris Review)
Any tips for the clean and jerk?
Yep. Don’t bother.
“The guy at GNC said I need about 100g dextrose after my workouts to build muscle”
Well of course he did. *rolls eyes*
“Some of my friends say I shouldn’t do a hardcore hypertrophy program like your THT. It’s too much work and I’d be overtraining. Is it true?“
“Some guys at the gym say there’s not enough work in THT and I need to do more sets and spend more time in the gym. Maybe 2 hrs per day if I’m really serious. Is it true”
Nope. You should talk to the guy above lol.
Let me stop you right there. It’s Mark. Is that so hard to get right?
And it’s Mark with a K!
So if you know what a ‘children of shit’ is, or you have your own hilarious words of wisdom you’ve received from gym rats over the years, let me hear them below!
Can I give you my free muscle-building workout?
Join thousands over the world who are packing on slabs of new muscle for free with Targeted Hypertrophy Training (THT)
Hi there from sunny south africa
Mark I got a tip in the gym saying that training to failure only damges your muscles… I subsiquintly canceled my membership and now workout from home on your tht progromme, in 4 weeks I picked up 5kg’s ( around 11 pounds) and that all muscle dude, these guys that say it doesn’t work should go back to school and get taught how to read again… Nuff said, later dude!!!
YOU sir are a children of shit!
Yes. Yes I am.
@Werner. Awesome story, duder 🙂
Thoroughly entertaining. Thanks Mark!
wow, glad he didn’t say you were of the corn..or did he mean Children of the Corn Covered Shit…
Anyway, I’ve been on your THT and Mans diet for about 7 months and all I can say is thank you thank you thank you!!!!
I’ve torched off 35 pounds of blubber and put on like 15 of muscle. Still have a be=it of the fat to burn, but I am confident and know the goal achievable; something I had given up on many many years ago.
These fucker are idiots and what the hell is a children of shit. Love your website MARK
I wish I also was a child of shit
Hey mick Mac marge,
I too am missing 15 bucks and i too have a wedding and need big arms. Some days I train to failure and some days I just do 8 but glucose helps on those failure days and tribulus helps on others but I’m thinking of upping my gym time to two hours cos of my belly fats. I to am children of shits and in Russia you and I would be shits of children??? This is a cult goin backwards.
Keep goin son
Ya doin fine work.
So funny!!! Especially, “Mark, you are a children of shit”…classic
Thx for sharing some of this awesome funny mails!
Nevertheless, i can’t yet believe that it happens 🙂
Thanks for keep doing what you already are doing!!!
Really appreciated! –
Tony from Switzerland
Some my faves over the years, especially since becoming a MuscleHacker 😉
“You’re not getting enough sets in to trigger growth”
“You’re doing your pyramid wrong (meaning I should go light to heavy)”
“How come you never do cardio?”
“Why work every body part in one day? (HIT)”
“Those cabled crunches don’t do much”
“How much can you bench? (comforably for reps, 250lbs or more)
Me: “…about 250 or so for reps, but I’d rather isolate my pecs and do pec deck / cable flyes”
“But benching adds mass!”
“Every time I see you, you’re doing the same thing. Why not change things up to grow?”
*rolled up my sleeves for the next set so he could see my “growth*
*dude walks away*
“Any tips for the clean and jerk?” “Yep, don’t bother”‘ haha this made me laugh..!!
LMAO, those sound like some different kind of NUTS ur dealing with there 😀
to funny Mark!(ahahha just kidding) Mike About the “Tribulus” I had something similar but it was with a yohimbe supplement. The guy insisted that yohimbe raised his testosterone levels.I explained to him that it just increased blood flow,and even named the study that showed no elevated testosterone levels. He then sited how his ___ gets hard easily.Ten started to talk about how the chinese used it for thousands of years to raise testosterone.I then said first that is not very scienctific way of judging something.And the chinese only used it for an aphrodisiac, not raising testosterone.He wrote me back and it just said”F__K YOU”!
Hi Mark I wanted to send you this since I’ve read you ridiculous e mails I thought I’d add one. Your program is great I love it but when is it going to put hair on my head??? LMAO!!!
IMark got another one for you.Just watch a video promoting a new workout .It was sent to me by a guy who once asked me what 2 excersizes Ilike the most for building mass.I said “squats and deadlifts” He basically sent it saying I didn;’t know anything. because this vids says never to do squats. But the vid and program was about keeping a ” puportionet body ratio” I eamiled saying that he just ask me what MY 2 favorites were for building muscle mass,and the vid was’nt talking about mass building.I recieve an email back saying I was an idiot.
People read too many articles and listen to too much nonsense when they should be in the gym on a consistent basis and logging their progress on moderate sets, say 3-6 per body part. It works. Failure is really not an option. I’m not one who says this is the only way to train or that, but we should identify our goals and plan our training, diet, and rest accordingly. At 53, I am seeing some of my best results ever.
I had a guy come up to me in the gym wanting to know why i was getting results so quickly, shame, he was soooo desperate, I told him to go to https://www.musclehack.com, I repeated it a few times in our conversation, he came back to me the next day and said..”cant find musclequack anywhere” LOL!!!!
What a dick head!! (I think he was born as a child of shit.
Thanks for this post Maaarc. Had a good laugh.
That stuff is all pmp funny..pmp is pissed my pants..that in itself is funny..
Chldren of shit! I can’t get over that one!
Idea: For all the guys getting results have a Child of the Shit T-shirt. Be much more of a conversation piece than the lame workout shirts ya see going round!
Hello Mark !
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – A. Einstein –
Just keep it up, all you write is so very well explained and utmost true !
Why worrying about stupidity ! It will always exist ! More popular
you become, the more you’ll be exposed to sub-zero’s !
I 100% Surely Do Appreciate You, MARK !
Have Wonderful Moments ! ! ! ! . . . .
My Friend, you think the questions were silly BEFORE?…. you just opened up a major can of worms!!! 🙂
Werner! I am from South africa too! You say you picked up 5kg in 4 weeks? Where do you live? I also need that kind of oxygen to feed my muscles dude! BULLSHIT!!!
You’re the Best MarK, and you certainly know it by the number of visits here.
I’ve learned a lot from you.
One thing I’d like to say is people need to be educated. They are reaching out. Maybe it is not in the best interest of future business to make fun of potential customers. Funny quotes? Indeed. Expedient to expose and put them down? Think about it.
I think maybe SHIT is an acronym for “Sadistic High Intensity Training”. That would be a real eye-catching name for a new workout regimen. Then when they flex their guns, clients could say “It took a lot of SHIT to get these!” Not sure about the “children of” part. Maybe he thinks you started SHIT at an early age.
I was going to email a nutrition question the other day, and noticed that they aren’t answered any more because of the volume of emails Mark gets. It’s incredible, what the internet has done. My favorites are the ones where the people want him to just do all the work for them, like he’s being paid by them personally.
“I want decrease my belly fats, send me diet and exercises to help!”
You should post that on the main page, and say that if your question looks/sounds/feels like that…the only exercise you recommend is laying in a highway late at night…
…in black clothes.
I had this conversation with a girl at a gym I train at:
GIRL: “Okay, so like I need to do, like, a bunch of cardio to lose weight before I can start lifting weights, right? So, okay, like, I already know that, but so, like, what’s the best cardio machine?”
ME: “Wait, why do you have to lose weight BEFORE you start lifting weights?”
GIRL: “Because like isn’t it true that if you lift weights, like, your fat turns to muscle? So then I’d have all these, like, big fat muscles and that’s like, ewwwww!”
@Alvaro. Well sometimes people do have corn in their shit lol. And congrats on your success.
@Adam. Oh dear 🙁 I’ve heard them all too, pal.
@Joe. You broke the guy’s heart after all. Was only a matter of time before he said F.U. lol
@Harry. 3-6 months 😉
@Mike. Yep. Just get in and do it.
@Jason. lol musclequack. Think that’s the duck version of this site. Quite popular with ducks tho.
@Richard. Thanks 🙂
@BobinNJ. You could be right, buddy. But I hope not!
@Jerry. LOL The New SHIT Workout. All trainees are a children of shit.
@Rick. Great idea actually 🙂
@Jay. My anger levels were rising just reading that lol. Not that it’s just annoyingly incorrect, but some girls talk like building muscle is so easy. “But I don’t want to get bulky muscles”. “Trust me, sweetheart, it ain’t gonna happen”.
Just named my new gym Children of Shit Fitness!
I’ve been around this game for 35 years so I’ve heard just about everything. A couple stick out in my mind.
One is when I was a 19 year old competitive teen bodybuilder and I was working at a hospital. Some guy walked up to me out of the blue while I was walking down the hallway to tell me his “friend was twice as big as me, twice as strong, and could lift his Corvette with one hand and change the tire with the other.”
I replied, “so, you mean to tell me your friend weighs over 400 lbs. (remember he’s twice my size), bench presses nearly 800 lbs, looks more muscular than I do and he can do all of that with a car…what’s his name, does he compete…he must be famous?”….Guy, “no he doesn’t compete, but he’s bigger and stronger than you are.”
A former Mr. Universe I know told me he was at the grocery store and a woman who was packing his groceries told him her 16 year old son was bigger than the Mr. Universe and looked, “way better.”
Oh, the shit people say.
Don’t give those other guys a workout routine, GIVE ME ONE!
“Hi, I want to ask you, how to increase Muscles without going Fitness?”
Jajaja, very funny 🙂 People don’t want to strive.
Haha what the fuck, theres some weird prople out their
hi i think your book was fantastic ive cut down gym time with excellent results and ive only read the book 3 weeks ago cant wait for future results.What a pack of jerks …..I wouldnt even give them my time……keep up the great work …love reading any articals so please keep them comming
I follow your diet etc…it is great!
And it is straight forward than other link I join..
Also I lost few kg’s already…few percent of body fat!
BUT I have few problems now:
First with my belly fat..(area round lower abs).
Any idea to make it ripped?
Second I does not reach my fat loss target in few weeks..
Even I add cardio’s and strict my calories now..
yeah, about the girls…whenever I said that I started going to the gym again, different girls would tell me something like “don’t overextend” (don’t make those muscles big), as it is that easy..or many of them say that they don’t like bodybuilder type of guy, because they think that if you started going to the gym, you will be big as Arnold in his best years, in a short period..lol..association to them for bodybuilding is steroid look… 😀 girls and logic are two different worlds 😀
Hi Mark ( with a K ) ..lol..well i wanna say that i have being working out since 1995, but i still believe that i have more to learn , even from younger people.
it’s not about how much you know , it’s about how much you do right in the gym.
so thank you Mark , and i appreciate all your advices and tips.
Have a good day
My thoughts on some oth waky emails that you have recieved.
I prefer to keep my mouth shut and let others think that Iam an idiot, rather than open it and leave no doubt.
Thanks for your go info.
Hello, Mark. I want to ask : MANS diet and GLAD diet which is better? If I want to build muscle and lose fat. I’m 181lbs, 14%bf
I think i got it, all folks who are musclehackers are considered children of musclehack the shit part is what happens after a very intensive THT training session, so in a way maybe this is a compliment. Hows that for a silver lining? LOL
Hi Mike (Just Kidding Mark),
Am I the only female that subscribes to your news letter and reads your stuff? I am NPC figure competitor. I found your web page probably 6 years ago “on accident”. I love it all! Not all is appropriate for a female weight trainer, but I use what I can. Thanks!
One word… Hilarious!!!
Us musclehackers are the shit!! yeah baby!!!