Hatred is corrosive…to the hater.
It degrades your soul by putting you in a negative state of mind…a self-imposed negative state of mind.
But there’s one main reason why you should never hate anyone, and I sum it up in 4 words in this 15-second video.
The 4 most important words are…
“That person owns you”
The reason they own you is that they now occupy a large piece of real estate…in your mind. They’ve taken over…and you let them do it.
Perhaps this will end up dictating certain aspects of your life – where you can go, who you can talk to, be friends with and so on. You’ve handed control of your life over to someone you don’t like…and you don’t even know it.
Giving up hatred and resentment
I quoted Booker T Washington in a HappyHack article about my own decision to give up hatred a few months ago. He said, “I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”
I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him ~ Booker T. Washington Click To Tweet
Hatred is actually a form of self-abuse in my opinion. Whatever they did, it’s in the past and no longer exists. The only place it exists now is in your head. Since the event itself doesn’t exist any more, it’s actually your own unwillingness or inability to forgive and move on that is causing the suffering.
Hatred, resentment, bearing grudges, are all forms of self-abuse ~ Mark McManus Click To Tweet
You must ask yourself, “How does it serve me to hold onto this resentment?”
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What you can do
There’s 2 things to remember that will help get rid of hatred and anger:
(1) “Only hurt people hurt people.” If they hate you, it’s because they themselves are hurting and their hatred is their way of trying to protect themselves. Perhaps they are jealous or threatened by you in some way.
(2) Focus on that person’s good qualities. Everyone has good qualities. When you let yourself sink into hatred, you’ve lost your objectivity and are focusing only on that person’s negative traits – this only represents a thin slice of who they are. Maybe they a good parent. They work hard. Do charity work. Everyone has good qualities.
Mark Twain said it best…
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured”
Mark McManus
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So true Mark!
Def a fresh perspective here mate. I needed to hear this!
You’re right Mark, hatred only does more harm than good.
I’ve got a story for you. I recently got a “Parking Charge Notice” from some mickey-mouse parking company because I overstayed the 2 hour car park limit at the supermarket. A friend told me you don’t actually need to pay these, that it’s actually only an invoice, not actually a legally enforceable fine. I did a bit of research and turns out this is true! Bear that in mind for future reference.
Anyway, I got so angry at the idea of some fat cat dishing out these parking fines to people who wouldn’t know any better, lining their pockets with the money of people who’d made an honest, innocent mistake. So I took a picture of myself wiping my *rse with the “fine” and sent it to the head office, along with my details, citing that they were welcome to visit my house personally to discuss it with me, whereby I would “smash f*ck out of their miserable b*stard face” or words to that effect.
Long story short, I may now be facing legal action for threatening and aggressive behaviour, when if I’d jut ignored it in the first place, they would probably have sent me a couple of daft other letters which would have amounted to nothing. This is all because of the hatred and anger that I felt towards some man (or possibly even a woman!) that I’d never even met! If that’s not an example of Mark Twain’s quote in action, then I don’t know what is!
Keep up the good work and stay mellow, my friend!
@CM. That was not your wisest move, buddy. But more people should definitely know that they don’t have to pay those fines. That’ shocking! Thanks for the feedback.
Thanks for putting this article up Mark.Its all true… but what if you really cant forgive the person?I went through depression a few years ago and lost a job id had for nearly 10 years because of it.It wasn’t that I was sacked it was HOW I was sacked that leaves a bad taste.The person was very arrogant and very dismissive of the things I was doing to get better.Instead of being proud that Ive battled through depression and got better and found work im stuck feeling angry and bitter towards this person.It dosnt help that we go to the same gym and he is quite popular aswell.I do tell myself that the only person im damaging is me but I cant bring myself to forgive and see the good in him…but I do need to find a way of moving on.
I don’t hate anyone. I have a total indifference toward people in general. My father taught me that way. He made me understand that when someone makes you mad, they control you and your action/reaction. Same for any emotion. Love, hate, anger, fear. No one controls you but YOU. As long as you aren’t too emotionally invested in anyone, or anything, you maintain that control.
Thank you Mark. So very true!
Hey Mark,
Kiaora from sunny N.Z
Here is a powerful vid giving a different twist . I give Ms Lewinsky a standing ovation. An excellent speaker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_8y0WLm78U
Agree to not “Hate” it’s a brutal way of mind. However it is just fine to “dislike” someone. There were 2 certain individuals in my life at one point that I almost always stuck up for and treated very well. Like a brother. And to make a long story short, both of these so called buddies breached my trust and friendship at different times in my life. Yes they were misguided and yes they were too uninformed to understand their own insecurity. Regardless, some things cannot be mended even if you want them to be. So dislike, should be the more proper term. I don’t hate them but I sure don’t love em…anymore.
My 2 bits.
@Johnny Some peaceful advise. I’ve been in your shoes. The best thing you can do is shake your head inside and let it go. When you head to the gym, remember that you are there for yourself and beast mode is on FOR YOU. Put the ear buds in and let the music rock and go to work. What helps me keep focused in there, is wear a ball cap and pull it down tight over my eyes and focus on ME and my workout. Nothing else matters while I’m there. Sure, you’ll look up from time to time and you’ll want to look over to see what he’s doing but soon you won’t give 2 shits and you’ll be zero’d in on your own goals and why you’re there. Show him you don’t care and his behavior means nothing to you by accepting and moving on and go to work bro. Cheers.
@Johnny I feel ya mate. I’ve had that happen to me too. But the more I meet people, think and read, the more convinced I am that most people who hurt others are themselves hurt (like that quote at the bottom of Mark’s post) so I have made it a point to be as shining a light as I can be in as many people’s lives, and I firmly believe that with one hardship comes two reliefs: one at the time of hardship itself, another at some other time.
Stay strong, stay positive and I wish you all the best. You got this.
Thanks Jason and Muhammed.Given me a boost reading your messages.